No World Beyond You
by christikat
Summary: Spoilers for the first episodes of Season 5 House doesn't want Wilson to leave - will he be able to convince him to stay?


No world beyond you

House bolted upright in his bed, panting for air, looking around in frantic disbelief. His chest heaved up and down in quick movements but the air didn't seem to reach his lungs. He slumped back against the pillow and closed his eyes. He never broke down easily but right now he had to struggle hard against the tears which were forming in his eyes. His throat hurt as he swallowed; anger, disgust and disbelief unsettled him even more. He punched the unimpressed mattress with his fist to relieve some tension, telling himself that this had only been a _nightmare_. An impressively vivid nightmare though; one of the sort he wasn't keen on experiencing ever again.

It took him more than half an hour to muster up enough strength to haul himself out of his bed. If he had not been drenched in sweat and started to freeze he would have stayed where he was, hiding under his blanket and waiting to forget. He still hadn't exchanged one single word with Wilson which grated on his nerves and caused him to be restless and forlorn. He wasn't looking forward to another day at the hospital without the company of his best friend. He wanted him back and he wanted him back _badly_.

There was no use in denying how fucking much he wanted Wilson back, as his nightmare had just proven. Shivers started to run through his body when the details of his nightmare flashed up in front of his inner eye. He didn't want to think about what he did to Wilson in his nightmare. He felt nauseous all of sudden, his head throbbing with an oncoming headache. That's what you get when you try to help your supposed best friend, he thought with bitterness. Of course he wouldn't need to have helped Wilson if he hadn't gotten drunk and tried to call him. There he was again – trapped into this annoying and useless iteration loop of his own thoughts.

House curbed his thoughts; they wouldn't bring him any kind of relief anyway. Instead he followed his daily morning routine in a mechanical way - he took a shower, dressed and ate toast before he left for work.

XXXXX

House knew that he looked even worse than usual. He was bleary-eyed, his limp more pronounced and his facial expression couldn't be named friendly. His fellow doctors were wary and tiptoed around him. He definitely looked like crap then, he thought to himself. His attempt at listening to them discuss the patient's symptoms was interrupted when he caught a glimpse of Wilson passing his conference room without bothering to look inside. Wordlessly House hobbled out of the conference room, leaving his fellow doctors openly staring at him. Before he was out the door he bellowed, "Foreman is in charge!"

He barged into Wilson's office, finding him sitting behind his desk. Wilson didn't even wince when House stomped into his office. House's gaze swept over the empty walls and the remaining boxes on Wilson's desk.

"Running away won't help," House opened the conversation.

"I'm not running away. I made a perfectly well-thought-out decision."

"Means you're running away."

"It means that I am doing what I should have done much earlier," Wilson replied, his lips tightening to a sharply chiseled line. He was getting angry which was a good sign in House's book as it showed that he was still able to provoke strong emotions in Wilson.

Wilson stood up, crammed the last tiny belongings from his desk into a box, causing House to break out in cold sweat. Panic was overruling every other instinct as he blurted, "I dreamt about you last night."

Wilson backed off although there was the desk acting as a physical border between them. He ignored House's remark and closed the lid of the box. The light trembles that shook Wilson's hands emboldened House to go on. "I dreamt that I captured you. To prevent you from leaving."

Wilson's adam's apple bobbed up and down but he kept looking downcast, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. House continued, "It was more of a nightmare. But I guess this was the not so subtle hint from my subconsciousness telling me that I don't want you to leave."

Wilson looked up, his gaze was hard when he replied, "I don't care about your subconsciousness. I'm leaving."

House couldn't suppress the shock from showing on his face. He swallowed heavily before he reasoned, "Why would you want to do that if you're _not_ running away? You've everything that's important here!"

"Do you really believe calling me a coward or an idiot will make me re-think my decision?" Wilson shook his head, grabbed a box and circled his desk, heading towards the door.

House could be fast if he wanted and surprised Wilson by blocking his way. Keeping his eyes on Wilson to get across that he was serious House pleaded hoarsely, "I don't want you to leave. I'll do anything."

Wilson's facial expression turned to stone when he answered, "No, you won't. You'll play nice for a few days or maybe even weeks and then fall back into your usual patterns." Wilson swung the box from one side to the other with a sigh. Glancing at a point on the wall behind House he whispered quietly, "And you can't give me what I need."

"Tell me. Tell me what you need and I will give it to you. Whatever it is – as long as it makes you stay."

Wilson laughed mirthlessly, slowly focusing on House's eyes. House watched Wilson's eyes filling with tears and almost missed Wilson's harsh statement. "Stop it! We're not friends anymore House. I'm not sure we ever were."

It wounded House deeply but somehow he was still able to talk, even in coherent sentences. "You're right. We've never been friends."

House watched Wilson wince at the verbal slap to his face. For a second House got even some kind of pleasure out of Wilson's hurt expression – tit for tat. Quickly he added, "We've always been more."

Wilson paled visibly and swung the box around again, pleading, "Don't bring this up _now_. Please."

Wilson averted his eyes, then took a step sideways, obviously intent on passing House. A hard knock from House's cane on the box caused Wilson to drop it. House took the opportunity and grabbed Wilson's shoulder, forcing him to look at House. "I _love_ you. In a literal sense. I said it already earlier but you didn't believe me."

Wilson's eyes widened in shock and in utter disbelief he croaked, "That's cruel. And … and it doesn't matter. This is just a game for you. But you won't win. Not this time."

"Wilson … Jimmy, _please_. Don't leave. You know what was the last thing I did in my nightmare? I killed myself because I couldn't stop you from leaving."

"Are you … trying to blackmail me?" Wilson asked incredulously. The first signs of Wilson's defenses crumbling were visible. He was blinking rapidly and squirming in House's grasp.

"Jimmy, _please_. You won't regret it."

Wilson didn't answer but stopped squirming. House put everything on the table and closed the gap between them, causing Wilson's eyes to widen even more. House tilted his head and softly kissed Wilson's unresponsive lips. Wilson gasped in surprise but didn't fight against House. He just kept on staring while trembles fluttered through his body as House continued dropping small tender kisses all over Wilson's face.

House's courage was waning as Wilson didn't respond. Just as he was about to give up Wilson pressed his lips tentatively against the corner of his mouth. Wilson's hands were resting on House's hips while House's hands moved upwards to cup Wilson's face.

The door of Wilson's office flung open with Thirteen, Kutner and Taub talking at the same time. They talked in unison and also stopped doing so when they discovered the scene on display before them. Wilson blushed a deep shade of red as House had to tighten his grip to an almost painful degree to prevent him from bolting. Directed at his team he said, "What? Never seen a guy kiss his best friend before?"

Taub looked everywhere, just not at House and Wilson. Kutner stammered something incomprehensible, Thirteen sighed in exasperation. She was the only one who seemed to retain control of her vocal chords, "That's all fine that you sorted out your feelings for each other."

She went on with the symptoms of her patient but House only listened to her halfheartedly. He kept on gazing at Wilson's face, tenderly stroking his thumb along Wilson's cheekbone. He felt Wilson tremble beneath his touch and watched a single tear escape before rolling down Wilson's cheek. House followed the track of the tear with his eyes mesmerized, waiting for it to drop from Wilson's chin to the floor. Absentmindedly House nodded his approval to Thirteen's latest suggestion for treatment, impatiently waiting for his fellows to leave.

He started when the door clicked shut and Wilson whispered, "This is a bad idea. Why now?"

"Why not?"

"_House!_" Wilson chided him.

"There's nothing left to lose so it's not a big deal to take this risk. We're already busted anyway," House shrugged nonchalantly.

"You … want me to jump from avoiding my best friend like the plague and mourning about the loss of my dead girlfriend to be openly gay? With you?" Wilson asked with barely hidden bafflement.

"That sounds strange … when you put it that way," House had to admit.

"I … I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I can handle this. I … don't know if I can cope with living in fear of whether or not you change your mind, of whether or not you're going to do something harmful or not. I don't know what to feel at all," Wilson confessed. He gazed at House, vulnerability clearly showing in his demeanor.

"I won't change my mind. I would have acted on my … me being attracted to you much earlier but there never seemed to be the right moment in time," House replied. Discomfort was written all over his face as he gave this confession. House expected Wilson's expression to soften at his admission but it didn't happen. Right on the contrary Wilson closed off; hurt flickered up in his eyes, leaving House with a queasy feeling.

"Whenever I hinted at something between us you pushed me away," Wilson choked out before he turned away from House. He took in a deep breath, straightened his shoulders and in a firm voice said, "I'm leaving. Spares us a lot of trouble."

Panic overruled any other feeling inside House. Desperately he clutched at Wilson and pulled him back against his chest, saying just one single word, "Please."

House knew that Wilson's reaction was normal, was healthy but still he hoped for his wish to come true. He whispered, "Don't you love me? Just a bit?"

House almost hiccupped in relief when Wilson yielded in his arms, muttering, "We're going to drive each other up the walls."

"Let's drive Cuddy and other people up the walls. We're already experienced in this. Want to buy me lunch?"

Wilson's chuckle rumbled through House's body while warmth spread out within him. Wilson hugged House quickly before he answered, "Nope. But you can steal some fries from me."

They loosened their embrace and in an awkward silence walked towards the door. Before they left House gave Wilson's hand a quick squeeze and pecked him on a smooth cheek. The genuine smile on Wilson's face caused House's heart to stumble for some beats. Wilson cleared his throat before he declared, "House? I … lied."

House's heart skipped a beat; all his hopes began to shatter into tiny little pieces at Wilson's announcement. Frozen to the spot he stared at Wilson and mumbled, "Uh, did you?"

Another small smile lit up Wilson's face as he took House's hand in his own and squeezed. "If you're going to mock me for what I'll be saying in a second we're never getting any further than exchanging kisses."

"Oy, threatening to withhold sex even before we started with it? You're definitely the woman!"

Wilson rolled his eyes but the smile stayed. "There is no world beyond you. At least not for me," he said softly, causing House's eyes to glitter.

END

5


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